Against his parents’ wishes, Richard Faygelbaum had married Felicia the girl of his dreams. Although Richard’s parents though Felicia was actually a rather decent human being and would certainly make a wonderful mother to Richard’s children, the fact remained that Felicia was the illegitimate granddaughter of Adolph Hitler.

“Just look at the way she holds out her fork in that salute before each bite!” Richard’s father exclaimed. “Who but the illegitimate granddaughter of the Fuhrer himself would hold out a fork in such a fashion?”

“And when she drinks milk” Richard’s mother chimed in. “The way the milk creates that Hitler-like mustache on her upper lip! Who but the bastard spawn of the leader of the Third Reich could obtain such a result?”

Richard confessed that his parent’s points were valid. But, he felt that perhaps their advancing senility had finally gotten the better of them. “Remember when you thought Sasha was a KGB spy”, he pleaded. “And what about Gwendolyn, who you swore was a brain-sucking alien?” Richard was desperate, but his parents were resolute. They would have nothing to do with this Felicia.

Richard and Felicia eloped and were married in a nondescript and uneventful ceremony in Las Vegas, Nevada.

Years later, Richard was collecting the mail when he happened upon a very suspicious looking letter addressed to his wife of eleven years. He raised an eyebrow and seeing no one around, he opened the letter and read.

      Frau Felicia:
            I will be long dead by the time this letter reaches your hands. Think of me always. And remember to preserve the Master Race.
                  Love,
            Hienrich Himmler (Your illegitimate Grandfather)

Clutching the letter to his heart, Richard ran across the street to his parents’ house, and throwing the letter at their feet he exclaimed, “SEE! I AM VINDICATED AT LAST!”

end

by Marcus Driggs

25/09/2007
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