Boo hoo for me. My diet coke tasted weird this morning, and I’m tired of doing cocaine. It’s boring now.  I’ve done so much cocaine, like 3,000 dollars worth in the last four days.  BORING.  Make a NEW drug Columbia! The film I’m doing is a real annoyance, because they don’t let me do what I want to do–ACT!!!  I’m an actor goddamnit and I deserve to be treated well, I’m an artist (not like the baboons working as director and all those other things) On top of that, the car they rented for me is getting bad gas mileage, and smells like poor people and desperation. Plus, traffic is so bad around here, I just hate it.  I stopped so fast my cobb salad spilled all over the backseat, right as I was telling this new actor that he was really green and nieve about hollywood. The hot girl I want to hook up with is being difficult, so I’ll have to hook up with this really hot 19 year old who I don’t like as much, or I won’t and say that I didn’t want to in the first place.   Most of the girls here are stupid or not hot or stupid and not hot and that is starting to strike my last nerve.  I do like going to diners after I drive drunk for 50 minutes from some shitty bar that I hated or a diner I went to after the shitty bar.  I had a really high cell phone bill this month so I’ll have to dip into my CMA trust account again, until I get the thousands and thousands of dollars I’m making for doing what I “really like doing” (which I bitch about a lot with good reason). I really should go to the gym but I’m too busy trying to return my stupid blackberry phone that gave out after FOUR WEEKS and now I’m waiting for a replacement.  F that cingular, pull it together.  I want an Iphone anyway.  I throw parties at my hollywood hills house and they end up being bad because my friends invite their lame friends.  Plus the bars we go to are starting to piss me off.  My trailer’s air conditioning didn’t work three days ago and I’m still mad, I want to kill someone. I broke someone’s heart and she keeps calling me over and over, and it’s so frustrating. i just want it to stop.  I mean get over it?  I’m also dating someone who used to be in a really successful sitcom, and I don’t want people to keep ASKING me about it.  Do you ever wish you could go in a hole, or just be homeless? I feel like homeless people don’t have all the problems I have, they just live a life of freedom. Plus I’m so tired and my bed SUCKS!!!
Life is really, really fucking hard.  And you know what?  It’s just God challenging me.  God is giving me this adversity to overcome, and I’m going to overcome it God Damnit.
-ZZY

03/07/2007
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