Well, they did it. A $27 million Creation Museum just opened in Petersburg, Kentucky where, amongst other wonderful things, dinosaurs are depicted as to have been on Noah’s Ark. Yes, it’s a museum that shows the biblical book of Genesis to be literal fact. Nevermind that 50% of Americans, including three fuck shit Republican candidates for the Presidancy, do not believe in evolution. This shit is the hilarious-est! Look at Shit Beard up there talking about ‘Diney-sawrs’ with his fancy learnin’ book. Or Bible. Whatever.

Look at these guys. Going through life with the worldview of a child. You can see it in their eyes. Vote for me. I lick lollypops and blow the whiskers off dandelions.

Noah’s Ark is one of the funniest and most ridiculous thing out there that people still believe in. You all know the story. People were bad so God flooded the earth, saving Noah and his family as well as two representatives of each kind of animal on the planet. I guess, including dinosaurs.

The reason I find it so funny, is that for hundreds and hundreds of years - including the Renaissance and the Enlightenment - scientists and philosophers, who took the story at face value, tried to come up with creative ways to make this story plausible. You have guys in the middle ages coming up with ways Noah would have disposed of all the animal shit from the boat and other pointless arguments.

By 1600s, when Europeans had discovered America and knew more about the displacement of species, the answer was obvious as to how that happened - the Tower of Babel, where people left and took their animals with them.

In 1646, you’ve got this guy wondering aloud why Native Americans took rattlesnakes with them, but not horses. Yeah, they totally fucked that up, man.

Biogeography was helping to explain the connections between climates and how plants and animals adaped to them and more and more species of animals were discovered every year. By 1700 (159 years before that book Darwin wrote), nobody involved with science could take this goddamned story seriously.

My favorite part about the whole Genesis story is that as soon as the ark rested on Mount Ararat and they were safe from the flood, the first thing Noah did was GIVE AN ANIMAL SACRIFICE TO GOD. What was the animal? It doesn’t matter. That animal doesn’t fucking exist anymore. Two of each, bro. Two of each.

There’s nothing stupider that trying to make believe this shit exists. And that $27 million so could have gone to bombs for abortion clinics or something useful instead. But it is just in time for Evan Almighty this summer.

07/06/2007
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