I hate your birthday.  I barely like my birthday, but I know i don’t  like yours.  No one else is excited for your birthday either.  We cant remember when it is, we cetainly didn’t remember to get you anything for it, and I’m probably gonna forget to get you a belated gift while I’m at it.  People still throwing out their own e-vites to come help celebrate their legendary 28th birthday on Saturday, 13 days after the real day can go to hell.    Unless you are turning one, fifty, or a hundred I dont want to hear from you, any other age is just a Tuesday.   Don’t  throw yourself a party at a bar that revolves around your schedule and then hold grudges to the people who dont show up.  Don’t show up without any money demanding shots because “its your night”, we can already tell that by the “birthday” crown, sunglasses, and wand that you are donning.   But please do continue to act as obnoxious as you seem fit at the bars and on the walks to other bars, as long as you scream  “Fuck you, it’s my  Buuurthdaayy!”  then it wipes the slate clean.  Oh its your birthday, I’m sorry, now I dont mind that you couldn’t finish your Purple hooter shot and threw the remains on my pants.   Not sure why I just capitalized the “p” in purple,  but I’m not going back, I am flowing!  

The real thing about birthdays that is terrible, is having to remember everybody you know’s certain day.   They cant believe that you forgot this significant date in history,  “C’mon its June 16th!  6/16.  Its 6 plus ten!  Bubby Brister/Joe Montana!!!”  Oh right, how’d I forget.    Or, by some astrophysical alignment they will have the same birthday as someone else,  “Sheila’s birthday is mine too!  Can you believe it?”  Yes I can.  There is 365 days in a year and 5 million Shiela’s, along with billions of other people, I bet a couple idiots share your personal Christmas.

The only way to solve this problem is to change the entire way we celebrate birthdays.  Instead of everyone giving us gifts and awkward phone calls on our birthdays, forcing us to remember 40 additional days to Christmas, it should be the opposite.  On our birthday, we give gifts out to our family members and friends.  Now, people are excited for your birthday, you only have to buy gifts once a year twice if youre not jewish),  and we only gotta remeber one day.   Our wonderful birthday. 

02/04/2007
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