US awards $1.4 billion in grants for homeless

Among the money to be divvied up is a $50,000 grant to a homeless man in Atlanta who has hypothesized he can panhandle with greater results when specifically requesting the amount of change he wants.

Afghanistan may grant amnesty for war crimes

The amnesty would allow most Afghanis to return to their normal, everyday lives… growing poppies for heroin production.

Jet Blue vows to win back passengers

The airline said it hasn’t figured out exactly what it plans to do, but if everyone would please wait between eight and nine hours, they will probably come up with something.

Trump’s hair on the line at Wrestlemania

The fate of something we’ve long suspected to be fake, now hangs in the balance of something we all know to be fake. I’m faking my own excitement right now.

Math anxiety saps working memory needed to do math

Don’t think you’re ready to take that math test? Well, the only thing now that can really hurt you, is to think you’re not ready to take that math test.

Ignorance is bliss, especially in the case of the un-prepared math test-taker.

Twelve-step program aims to cure email addiction

Just when the slums and ghettos of America thought they could breath easy from the terrible years of the crack epidemic, now a new demon has reared its ugly head… email.

Three athletes endure 4,000-mile run across Sahara

Well, if you’re going to run from your problems…

Agent says Tom Brady ‘excited’ about fatherhood

After the agent used air quotes around the word excited, he then rolled his eyes, made a jerking-off gesture with his hand, and then pretended to shoot himself in the head.

22/02/2007
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