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Hi, I’m Harriet. I’ve been living with this rescue group for almost five years now. Is there something wrong with me? I’ve seen A LOT of other cats (and especially KITTENS!), go off to their forever homes with people that fell in love with them, but they always seem to pass me by. It’s starting to give me an inferiority complex!
I mean, WTF, right? Who doesn’t love this face? I’m a cat. Ancient Egyptians worshipped me. Now I can’t even get a chubby bitch with a studio apartment to feed me twice a week (i.e.–the Save-A-Pet meal ticket). It’s not like I’m gonna fuck your kids or something. Jeez! The worst you’ll get from me is a turd in the pantry. Maybe a hiss when you scratch my belly, because that’s where I used to be able to make kittens until my reproductive organs were ripped out as a wee one. Sorry for the attitude, but your paws look just like the ones that tore out my uterus.
Feline lukemia might sound like something that faggots run an half-marathon to raise money for , but I assure you I’ve got this shit handled. Just give me the pills and I’ll bat around whatever glittery joke of a toy you bring home for at least five hours. Honest. P.S.–I can’t talk, Fatty, so rest assured I won’t call you ugly once the lights come on at last call.
Stop being an asshole. You know what they do to us, especially the old ones, right? They put us on the Jewish stairway to heaven. That’s right. Deep breaths. And know that the animal shelters are usually located next to a Burger King or some other fast food place intentionally so your Big Bacon Classic odor gets pumped out and covers up the stink of my soul exiting this realm. How convenient do optional sides taste now, motherfucker? Chili, side salad, or Whisker’s wasted life rotting in a peculiar orange dumpster next to the drive-thru? Enjoy your lunch.
Harriet is:
-spayed/neutered
-not good with kids
-not good with dogs
-not good with other cats
-not good with african americans
by Kyle Kinane
19/02/2007
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