by Rachael Ray

Dearest Friends and Family,

It has come to my attention that, while I remain quite popular in certain demographics, there is a large portion of the country that would like nothing better than to see me mangled in a combine accident or some other form of a painful death.

Obviously, I’ve been oblivious to this fact for quite sometime. You can bet that I would have never made the rash decision to appear on a box of Triscuits snack crackers touting Triscuit “recipes” had I been aware.

My “people” did a fine job of hiding this information from me throughout my career at FoodTV, as well as my work with the ABC program and magazine/book publishing houses.

Up until last week.

While filming a segment for “Rachael Ray’s Tasty Travels” in Toronto, we decided that it would be fun to stop into a comedy club for one of their signature drinks. I had the “Howie Mandelarita” for $17.50. Just as we were about to exit the club, I heard from the stage, something to the effect of, “Was that just Rachael Ray in here? Why didn’t someone tell me?!! Have you seen her on TV? I haven’t since I threw it out the window after she said “yummo” for the 1,000th time in 2-minutes. It was either that or hang myself. I wish she’d accidentally fall into a meat grinder. Am I right?! Sure, I would’ve changed the channel but I lost the remote. Has that ever happened to you sir…”

That’s when I was hurried to the car.

Everyone pretended that it didn’t happen. No one spoke.

But I heard it. And they were laughing. HARD.

AT me.

People I didn’t know, who had never met me, who were a wide representation of all walks of life. All instantly in on the joke.

I’m not dumb enough to think this doesn’t go on all the time. I’m not stupid.

I feel so ashamed. I just wanted to be a nice person, who works hard doing what she loves, and be entertaining to good people with helpful tips to feed the ones they adore.

It seems as though that wasn’t enough.

That’s why I’m writing this. Because I know in person you’d tell me that “it’s not too late Rach”, or “those people are just stupid”, or “we can work it out”.

I just can’t do this anymore. I know myself.

I’m broken.

This last meal shouldn’t take “30-Minutes”. Just a quick click. Sorry I won’t be able to help clean up.

Yumm-o.

Goodbye.

Rachael

31/01/2007
RSS 2.0 / trackback