Freddy vs. Jason.

Alien vs. Predator.

Pope vs. Ecumenical Patriarch.

Pope Benedict XVI the Roman Catholic recently went to Turkey for a final showdown with Ecumenical Patriarch Bartholomew I, the Other Catholic. And this time it’s to settle the score once and for all. In a war of words that has lasted 1000 years, we will see once and for all who is the victor.

This is some Lord of the Rings wizard shit. For real. Rome and the Orthodoxy in Constantinople excommunicated from each other in 1054. Ten fucking Fifty Four. It looks like both of those guys were there at that ill-fated luncheon. A thousand year grudge. Oooooooh. Benedict has a magical staff, which allows him to fly. But Bartholomew can shoot lightening from his hands. Seriously folks. Only in religion.

But wait… just when you thought the battle was even sided, an even older enemy may rear its sinister head. That’s right - the Turkish Muslims. Double Ooooooooh.

In a time unknown by man, Abraham the patriarch of the Jews, Muslims and Christians had two sons; Romulus and Remus- I mean Isaac and Ishmael. They split up… then Jesus came 2000 years ago and Mohammad came 1500 years ago and complicated things even further. 200 plus years of Crusades. An ancient feud in Jerusalem. You can’t make this stuff up.

The Turkish Muslims have flying carpets and an army of monkeys. The Pope Mobile runs on the breath of the Pegasus. The Ecumenical Patriarch Mobile runs on incence, chanting and strange artwork. It’s a battle to the death. Who knows who will jump in! Maybe even one of these backwoods derelict idiots will jump in.

Oh, I give up.

18/01/2007
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