Have you seen these new malt liquor ads for Colt .45?  Billy Dee Williams, who played the black guy in the Star Wars movies, is pitching Colt .45 with the slogan, “Colt .45.  It works every time.”

America couldn’t be hurtling towards hell any faster if Reagan was personally flying us there in the fucking Millennium Falcon.

It works every time?!

WHAT works every time? 

Colt .45 makes you lose your dignity when you piss yourself at your kids basketball game?  EVERY.  TIME.

Colt .45.  It works everytime you want to accidentally have sex with a 400 lb. homeless woman  in her dirt lunch.

Colt .45 works every time you want to forget how the night before Colt .45 worked every time when you drank too much Colt .45 and put on the Chewbacca suit with your penis sticking out the front and told George Lucas he can “suck your wookie” if he thinks you’re doing that take again because you’re a “goddamn professional and not your fucking slave you jive-ass old woman lookin’ mothafucka.”

Colt .45.  It works every time your career is so far in the shitter that you have to do commercials for Colt .45 saying, “It works every time.”

27/12/2006
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