I can’t think of anything more masculine than the sport of football. Sure women appreciate it, or at least tolerate it now more than ever. But whenever a guy is depicted through media as being a guy, he’s sitting around, drinking beer, eating meat, and watching football. Guys love watching guys pulverize other guys.

Why then, in the most testosterone fueled athletic contest in all of sports, the most dude oriented of all events, is the prize for whomever comes out on top, whomever is the toughest, most manly man of all the men, receive a Super Bowl RING? A RING? JEWELRY? YEAH, SPARKLY SHINY JEWELRY!!!

Why is the champion of the most masculine in american pastimes rewarded with the most feminine of prizes? Do coaches use that as motivation during the season. “The way you are all playing out there today, I’m not sure if you even want that jewelry!!!”

Coach then knocks over a row of lockers, “Do you boys even want your hands to look pretty?”

You need to be rewarded with something more manly if you’re the champion of all of football. No Super Bowl Ring, you should win a Super Bowl . . .Punch in the Face!

Is the idea that the victors should receive something that has some value to it? That’s fine, but give them something that a guy could use. A solid gold chain-saw. 15 carrot ammo. A diamond encrusted blow job. You know, something practical.

I don’t understand it. Perhaps it’s a result of how in general, I don’t get jewelry. I don’t understand it’s appeal. Women love jewelry. Women feel beautiful in jewelry. I find women beautiful, but I don’t find women any more or less attractive according to the amount of ornaments that they are adorned with. No guys have ever had this conversation.

“Hey did you see Rebbecca Romain on that award show last night? Man she looked hot in that locket!”

“Dude I was watching the Beyonce concert and let me tell you what, there’s something about a girl in a tennis bracelet.”

“I got the new Janet Jackson poster and I got two words for you; TOE RINGS!!!”

What is it? Women love looking at jewelry, it’s appeasing to the eye. I like looking at baseball cards. That doesn’t mean that I’m going to hang them from my earlobes. Which probably for the best since I don’t have any good cards. I’d have to wear like a ‘79 Bob Euker, and an ‘88 Tops Checklist Card.

I myself am going to steer clear of jewelry all together. Although in the event that I ever get married I am supposed to buy a wedding ring. Not only that but they say that you’re suppose to spend two months salary on a wedding ring. TWO MONTHS SALARY? Yeah right, like I’m going to spend $300.00 on a ring.

26/12/2006
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