I have lost my Dignity, please help me locate her. She may be hiding somewhere with my pride, which I threw away when I took this temp job. Dignity was last seen with my sense of self-worth, who has been known to disappear from time to time.

Dignity has definitely run away from home before. The longest she has ever been gone is one month. That was about three years ago, while I was playing the Easter bunny at Marshall Fields, holding newborn babies for pictures. I am pretty sure she slipped away while I was quietly sobbing underneath a large wooden bunny head, my eyes too clouded with tears to notice her slip out. She is so, so sneaky.

This weekend I had a similar hunch that she was getting antsy, as I scooted backwards and made noises like a dump truck for Christian children who believed I was an elf.

But last night when I was working for an online university making telemarketing calls to people who just submitted their info because they wanted a free ipod, I heard her slam the door. When my manager said “Let’s work harder team!” and I didn’t punch her in her blonde head, I knew Dignity was gone for real. I ran to the window and only saw her shadow, but heard her scream “How could you not say something like ‘Aye aye captain manager of dumb dumb job!’ I hate you!” and ran off. It was really bad. I tried to explain to her that I have thousands of dollars to pay to my new unions, which PS I am a member now and owe initiation fees BECAUSE of her, but she was already gone. So, so hypocritical.

But I can’t be angry at her. Without her I’m quick to hit others. So please. If you see Dignity, tell her I’m so sorry. That as soon as I pay off the unions that promise me work and charge me $1500 each to do it, I can quit the part time job and go back to drinking all day. She likes that.

20/12/2006
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