In years past, “Kraft Mayo Snackers” were limited to the use of utensils while retrieving the last precious bites of emulsified egg yolk and oil from their inadequate confines.

This ends here. This ends now.

You can now savor jar after jar of Kraft Mayo (Real Mayonnaise) by the fistful with Kraft Mayo’s (Real Mayonnaise) New Big Mouth Jar! It’s great “on the go” and perfect for sharing with a Kraft Mayo (Real Mayonnaise) snack buddy! Whether you’re quietly sobbing in the garage while masturbating or just catching a ball game and “talkin’ some mayo” with the guys, Kraft Mayo (Real Mayonnaise) makes everything better. Kraft Mayo (Real Mayonnaise) makes you feel safe. Kraft Mayo (Real Mayonnaise) makes you forget that you’ll never be loved by your father. You know that because he tells you twice a week. Kraft Mayo (Real Mayonnaise) makes you forget that your only child will still be in prison long after you’re dead. And Kraft Mayo (Real Mayonnaise) reminds you that we’re just bugs, on a rock, God doesn’t exist, and there will never be a television program that gets your crank stiff like “Spencer For Hire” again. Ever.

Now you fucking eat that mayo before I punch you in the goddamn teeth and throw you down the stairs you worthless shit. Kraft Mayo (Real Mayonnaise) in the New Big Mouth Jar isn’t here to fuck around. It’s here to DESTROY.

13/09/2006
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