We teach our children not to lie. From the very beginning they are taught that one of the founders of our country, George Washington said, “I cannot tell a lie. I chopped down the cherry tree.” If that’s true, then we all must assume one thing about George Washington; he never attended a surprise birthday party. Because if he did, then he probably just said he chopped down the cherry tree when in reality he was in a smoking parlor with the curtains drawn hiding behind an end table and shushing James Madison, while waiting to surprise John Hancock.

A surprise birthday party turns the lives of everyone involved into a big web of lies. Do we really need to go through weeks of lying to our friends just so we can surprise them with the fact we remembered their birthday? A surprise birthday party is successful if everyone involved lied really well. God forbid you should blow a surprise party, either. People will hate you for that. If you do, in the eyes of everyone else involved in the party, you’ve ruined your friend’s birthday. Everyone will be real disgusted by you and your honesty.

If the party is successful, the guests really seem to take pride in their lies. Initially, all anyone wants to know is, “How surprised were you?” And by that they mean, “How impresed were you with our lies? Weren’t they good? You want to hear another one? I like your shirt. See, you thought I was being honest. Nope… lie.” After that, all you do during the rest of the party is exchange stories of the close calls you had and how further lying saved the day. You start the party celebrating their birthday and end it celebrating lies.

Despite what everyone there might think, a surprise party is no way to spend your birthday. If the party was thrown for you, it puts you in a weird mood for the rest of the night. When you should be appreciating your friends for coming to your party, you find yourself sizing them up, suspicious of them and everything else they’ve told you recently. You listen to people closely trying to trip them up in their stories. You study their eye contact and body language. You’re not really sure what to say, either. Because what do you say to your friends after they’ve thrown you a surprise party?

“Hey guys, thanks for acting really weird for the last couple of weeks and making me feel like no one gave a shit about my birthday. It’s nice to know that was all a bunch of lies and you do care. You care enough to lie.”

Editor’s Note: This blog was published five days after it was it was initially received by blerds.com so it would not in any way jeopardize a surprise birthday party held this past weekend.

11/09/2006
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