by Movie Star Tom Berenger
by by Mike Burns

1. A fag? Well, I sure as hell ain’t one a them.

2. I’m packin’ a full 5 1/2 inches of erect penis. If you’re lucky, maybe
I’ll show it to one a you gals in the john sometime.

3. I didn’t murder all a them chinks in “Platoon” ’cause I got somethin’
against them people. I’m a professional actor. When I do a job, I do it
right. Plus, I ain’t a stranger to slant cooze.

4. Movie Star Tom Berenger likes to help out at his local parish if he has a
Sunday off here or there. Movie Star Tom Berenger accepts the Lord into his
life.

5. Remember gals, Movie Star Tom Berenger is a full 5.5 on your vaginal
richter scale.

6. Movie Star Tom Berenger likes a cold bottle of suds when he gets home
from the set. So:

a) keep your grubby mitts off my cold ones

and

b) underpants are for hairy legged broads who go dig trim and drive trucks.

7) In case I weren’t clear, I ain’t got time to pull off your britches.
Think ahead and make your good stuff available. Don’t be stupid.

8) Fag = Ain’t no.

9) If you just turned 17, keep drinkin’ and call Movie Star Tom Berenger.
I’ll give you young gals somethin’ to about for when your older.

10) Movie Star Tom Berenger tossed around the foxy Barb Hershey in his
trailer while on the set of “Last of The Dogmen” in 1995 where he starred as
modern bounty hunter, Lewis Gates, who was hired to track down three
dangerous fugitives who had escaped into the Montana wilderness.

Barb Hershey was a real tiger in the sack.

11)) 5 1/2…

12) …on your vaginal richter scale.

01/09/2006
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