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Whiskey Dick
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I was at a friend’s house the other day and noticed he still had a copy of this year’s Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. Here are a few things I noticed…
All of the advertisers in the magazine, for this issue, try to do some sort of sexy swimsuit ad to appeal to pervs. Here is an ad for Evan Williams Straight Kentucky Bourbon. The ad says “The longer you wait…the better it gets” and then it shows a photo of this person in a “Photo Test” and then, presumably later, all sexed up. Now… is it just me, or does she look better in the Photo Test? I’m serious. What exactly is supposed to be wrong with her? She seems good enough to me. I bet when she washes her hair she looks real real nice. All they did was give her a rubber bra with a zipper and made her glow all yellowy. She looks like the villain in some sort of shitty D-level superhero movie. Actually, she looks like the tv spinoff of that shitty movie. She just needs Shannen Doherty or Nikki Coxx to team up with her and “class things up”. It says “Aged 7 Years”. Wow. In seven years, you can get rubber clothes and cleavage sweat and a look of pure evil. Is Evan Williams Straight Kentucky Bourbon trying to say that it was better 7 years ago? Based on the photo, I’m guessing that their whiskey was just as good 7 years ago, but now you have to worry about it sleeping with an NBA player when you’re out of town. The rest of the ads are just as retarded. Pontiac has a fold-out where they show a woman’s torso and then it says “There’s always one topless hardbody that really gets you”. What the fuck are you talking about? Is Pontiac trying to trick people into jacking off to their cars? Because I’m not going to. “Ooooh, she looks quite nice *jerk, jerk, jerk* Let me just fold this out and see the rest…. OH FUCK, it’s a convertible! Too late *squirt*fart noise*” I’m going to bed now.
by Mike Bridenstine
21/08/2006
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November 28th, 2006 at 8:51 pm
I want to fuck that whiskey. My penis is just the right size to fit in the bottle opening.