Next generation Segway scooters unveiled

Designers say this model is so radically different than the previous one, that the only way the general public will be able to recognize that it’s a Segway, is from the fact that nobody will want one.

Across South, push is on to make dry areas wet

Texas and California turn to irrigation, while New Mexico resorts to a two-pronged approach of heavy petting and KY Jelly.

Pigeons with backpacks to collect air-quality information

I like the idea that someone possibly saw a group of the homeless asleep on the sidewalk next to a flock of pigeons, looked at the situation, and then thought, ‘Man, I gotta get them a job’. Three weeks later, pigeons cashing paychecks.

Suspicious item forces plane evacuation at LAX

The suspicious item has been described as 5’10” tall, weighing between 140 and 150 pounds, bearded, and Middle Eastern. The writer of this joke has been described as 6’3” tall, weighing between 170 and 180 pounds, clean-shaven, and slightly racist.

Ariel Sharon’s condition deteriorates further

I’m beginning to think Ariel Sharon’s health is linked directly to the amount of unrest in Israel. It’s like the time my mom had an ear infection all throughout the Cuban Missile Crisis.

Genocide site in Cambodia draws tourists

(Father) “What’s it gonna be this year for the family vacation? Disneyland, The Bahamas, or The Killing Fields of Cambodia?”

(Kids, all together) “Killing Fields! Killing Fields!”

(Dylan, precocious five-year-old son) “I wanna we-enact the wape and murda of Phong Ngyuen.”

18/08/2006
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