Here are this week’s news bulletins from Yahoo, with
my take on each one.
 
‘Mexico police swarm riot town, free hostages’
 
If you’re too classy for Tijuana, but don’t have the
budget for Cancun, try Riot Town, Mexico.  Riot Town,
now with fewer hostages.
 
‘Ford embarks on new marketing strategy’
 
I don’t know what you guys are talking about.  Ford is
a Japanese car.  Detroit is just outside of Kyoto.  It
was Henry Ford’s idea to bomb Pearl Harbor.  That
famous quote about ‘awakening a slumbering giant’ was
something Henry Ford said in reference to General
Motors.
 
‘Haiti torture chamber turned into school’
 
I hope this serves as an example to the rest of the
World.  Turn your swords into plowshares, and turn
your torture chambers into schools!  (Queue thunderous
applause in front of the Lincoln Memorial)
 
‘Hidden star explains odd supernova behavior’
 
Oh… that it explains it.  The old hidden star.   And
think how many of us rushed to judgment and pointed
the finger at drug abuse and depression?  I think we
all have an apology to make to a certain supernova.
 
‘Psychologist, 63, to be U.K.’s oldest mother’
 
Hopefully mom will be around when the child turns
eighteen, so she can provide it with therapy for
dealing with all the issues associated with having an
eighty-year-old mom in high school.
 
‘Girl who claims rape sues Illinois school’
 
In an effort to not reveal this girl’s identity
they’ve made her sound like a member of a Native
American tribe.
 
Don’t go into that elevator alone with her… that’s
Girl who claims rape.

08/05/2006
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