This year the hype and coverage of the NFL owners slave auction has been especially unrelenting. Although the NFL is ultimately to blame for setting the bar in drawn out hype, I could never be caught talking bad about our Leaders wrath. They have already punished us by feeding Chris Collinsworth in their lair for a year until NBC can prop him up in your grill on Sunday nights. The NFL is 25 days of football basically chiseled throughout half of the year; the rest of it is sheer propaganda, which of course is fine. The two week hype before the Super Bowl is unbearable even if your favorite team is in it, and I know because the Eagles have made it a point to lose one every 26 years. I think they should hold the Super Bowl every Labor Day, the night before the start of the next season. Finish the Conference championship games at the end of January, and then go right into eight months of hyping the game. Hold the draft in April still, have free agency, fire and hire West coast Offense coaches, start a new training camp, have completely different rosters for the Super Bowl. Then, bang, start up the season as Champs the next day.

At least there is a game after those two weeks. The real enemy, ESPN, which is a separate pointless sports rant for another blog, is simply hyping up one of their dullest shows they have which says plenty. They have poured on their advertising more than when they somehow found footage of Brian Dennehy phoning it in as Bobby Knight and called it a movie. That performance remains funnier than Tom Sizemore doing Telly Savalas in a Pete Rose uniform, which was great in its own right. Disney has to still have one of those two guys under contract for a day or two. Sizemore had to of no-showed one day after a coke binge and punching hookers in the faced and thigh, strap the Rose jersey on him and have him chat Lendale White with Kiper and Corey Chavous. No, there will be no game played in the upcoming weekend of non stop coverage of various “war rooms.” That certainly is an aggressive term to describe 35 aged meatheads calling each other on their Sports Illustrated gift helmet phones and trying to figure out the power point system so they can all agree to pick Tim Couch #1 overall. Only a handful of these players will be starting for their teams come September anyway, but we get the privilege of finding out what hardships they overcame like only running a 4.57 forty yard dash in track shoes while some GM checks his teeth.

It has been three painful weeks of how rough Matt Leinart grew up because he would read the letter “p” upside down, but he somehow over came it by being a stud athlete and having sex with LA actresses every night of his life since he was 15. Will he go to Oakland or Tennessee? Oh my god! I need to know now! What is the inside buzz, Chris Spielman’s brother? I do like when ESPN hires shamefully failed GMs to be their expert on the field that got them fired because of their futility in it. Rick Spielman felt draft picks were so important that he traded the Dolphins 2nd round selection for A.J. Feely. The Dolphins then followed by trading him to ESPN for a “get the fuck out of here.” This wonderful on air talent has ESPN so confident that the NFL Network’s coverage will not be able to compete, that they have added twenty announcers and 67 cameras for these exciting two days of slave trading. ESPN has also added a convenient running clock counting down to the minute when the draft will begin. It started 12 days ago. When that clock finally goes down to zero, they reset it at 15:00 and put a Houston Texan logo on the side of it. For those fifteen minutes Millionaires will smoke cigars for 14 minutes then write Reggie Bush’s name on a post-it note at 14:25 Ah… the drama!

Now we get it all, great.

08/05/2006
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