The fun is over now for our favorite scumbag, as the charges against Chas Sheen from Rise Richards gets more serious or dramatic pending on perspective than a beepers and penis profile pages. As the coke high soon goes from the initial 20 minutes of euphoria and classic Sheen humorous creativity to the creepball 7 hours of sweaty threats. For every Young Guns there must be a long part deux where you allow Jon bon Jovi to cameo in as well. It gets tough from here, so lets get some vitamin C and take a shower in our clothes and see if we can ride this one out.
He verbally abused her. “He told me that he ‘hopes I get cancer and die’ and ‘get cancer in my face and die’. He knew that this was especially hurtful because my mother had cancer and I have a very close friend that just went through the treatment for breast cancer.”
We are the beginning of the downslope here as the coke is starting to get low, he becomes mean but somehow still stumbles into some humor. Some of the impact of this is lightened by Sheen’s remarkable ignorance to locations of popular cancers. Its like he was given the first one by Denise and simply could not come up with another legitimate form of cancer that he is not developing already so he wouldnt jinx himself. If Richards did not find the humor in his second scolding, I’ll allow, plus she knows whats coming next.
He hit her and threatened to kill her. “I told him that if he continued his lifestyle, this would effect his relationship with the girls. He became very angry and told me that ‘this was my last warning’ and that if I revealed anything about his lifestyle, ‘you won’t lay your head down at night’. I understood this to mean that he
would kill me. He then hit my wrist with his arm and shoved me in the stomach area with both hands and got into his car and left.”
Ok, were officially out of coke at this point. Not the time where the wife needs to start talking rehab and playing the daughter card. Thats only gonna lead to him rehashing some old script Emilio handed to him a couple months ago of corny threats and a quick hands on fetus check before hopping into his Mazzaratti that Olly Stone gave him. But I must say I do feel bad for Denise, picturing her scraped up on Pico Avenue watching the Scumcar speedoff with the License Plate BUDFOX being her last fading visual.
There’s some more tales of Sheen saying pearls like “I hope you fucking die bitch!” and “You’re fucking with the wrong guy” kind of stuff that we are gonna glance over. Just more bad movie lies from him during the dark hours of a coke binge that everyone would love to skip. Plus we get to the grandaddy of them all now, the breaking point, this last one is where you make a decision on who’s back you got:
He destroyed her property. “Sheen took a large wedding photograph (4 feet by 6 feet) off the wall. He had it placed in our garage. He sawed the picture in half and took spray paint and sprayed THE DUMBEST DAY OF MY LIFE.”
Men at work what a story! Even if you didnt make your decision, Sheen sure did here. In his defense, six by four feet? Seeing that every morning as he comes home trying to crawl upsatirs with a 280bpm heart rate is not easy. You know he sawed it in half first and was not satisfied with the lack of message that was it sent. He didn’t have enough confidence in her to understand that this was an intentional metaphor, for he has probably accidentally passed out throughout the house and done some late night wedding gift welding. So Sheen made the picture clear to his wife and the rest of us through some good ol fashioned spray paint poetry, Genius!
Sheen might not have made any life changes but he sure has inspired me to do some after I have written 3 consecutive blogs about him and Denise Richards. The worst part about that last sentence is that the word ‘blog’ is the third least terrifying word to me. I gotta get outside, cancel my US Weekly subscription and begin to yearn again, to channel talents with inspirations in order to be sane again. Stay tuned for my next edition, “Why Ricki Rachtman thinks he was actually in Guns ‘N’ Roses” Well i’m certainly not gonna cancel VH1.

24/04/2006
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